I hate the world I helped create that made my family a part of adoption. I hate that my daughter is in pain. I hate that my family is in pain. I hate hearing that my feelings toward adoption make me a "weirdo" or an "outlier".
I don't want to accept the reality I'm a part of now. I don't want to blog about it. I don't want my daughter to hurt. I don't want my family to hurt. I don't want to hurt.
The entire episode at the Single Infertile Female blog has become a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel like I've reverted back months. I was doing so well with my grief and regret...
I have to learn to stay away from sites like that.
The blog author claims to "want to understand, but the message being broadcast is from hateful people. How do they expect anyone to listen to you if you are so hateful."
Some of the comments on her post were from people who didn't have hateful messages or words, they just weren't positive about adoption. That wasn't good enough for her. If you weren't all rainbows and butterflies about adoption, she didn't want to listen.
I read her LONG blog post. I was encouraged because some of her views were "in line" with my own. Some of it was not, but I don't have to agree with someone 100%. I posted a comment because I thought "maybe they will listen". I was wrong. The very next post showed her spewing more of her "they are so hateful, I'm not going to listen" garbage.
She's listening to her own wants and needs. In the end she says it should be about the children.
Uh huh. It should be.
Her need to adopt is ALL ABOUT THE CHILDREN she claims. She sees herself in the future with a baby in her arms. Now, that's what it's REALLY about.
She doesn't want to hear any negative messages about that future vision. She wants it, and she will disregard any messages contrary to her attainment of it. That's ALL ABOUT THE CHILDREN all right!
I'm not against adoption. I know it is a necessary thing for children to find homes because their original homes were lost to them for various reasons. I know that there will always be women who do not think they can parent due to personal or financial reasons, and they will seek adoption as an alternative. That is their choice. However, I want those women to be given the details of the FULL impact of their decision. I want them to hear both sides of the story not just what the adoption industry wants them to hear.
I want restrictions put on adoption agencies. I don't want them to be able to tell a vulnerable women that she will be receiving "counseling" when the person speaking to them isn't a licensed counselor or their "counseling" is really just convincing a women how inadequate she is or what a gift she will be giving, and convincing her to give up her child. I don't want them able to collect tens of thousands of dollars for being middle men. They aren't making the product. They are brokers. They are salespeople. Salespeople of babies.
I want adoptees to not be second class citizens. I want their voices heard. I want every adoptee to have access to their birth certificate. I want them able to find their first parents and family.
What about any of that is "hateful"? What about that makes me an "outlier" or a "weirdo"?
I'm so sick of this argument. I'm not even part of the "adoption triad". I'm pretty sure my opinion is discounted because of that. I'm pretty sure some think I shouldn't be blogging about adoption because I'm not a part of the triad.
I hate this need I seem to have to write about any of this, but something within me will not let me let it go....